On last times

Photo in Primrose Hill, London. October 2015, when I first moved to London.

I have always been very conscious of certain things I’m doing for the last time. Before a trip, I always get in my own bed thinking it’s the last time before a number of days. I have the same thought also when taking a shower before that same trip. I don’t know why, for me, these two things are something that I am really conscious of – the last time I sleep in a bed, and the last time I shower in a certain place. One could say this is because I am picky with where I sleep and where I shower. But not sure if that is the case – it is true I develop a strange attachment to the bed I sleep in regularly. It already knows our body and our body already knows it. It is the place where you should peacefully close your eyes and rest. And showers… I do like a spacious shower with good pressure. But why, from everything I could think of, it is the bed and the shower that always come to mind?

I don’t have an answer to this. Yet I came to realise how really and almost exhaustingly conscious I am of last things or last times. Some people seem to be caught up on “first times”. I, for some reason, get caught up on the last times.

This reflection comes at a time I’m about to close a chapter of my life. Leaving what has been my job for almost six years and move on to a new opportunity, a new path, a new journey. And in this last month at this job, I’ve been acutely aware of the last time I’m doing certain things. This is the last team meeting I’m leading. This is the last time I’m speaking with this person, with this client. This is the last time. The last damn time.

It looks so final because it is supposed to be. The goodbyes I am now saying are meant to be forever. These are not the same last times of my bed or shower, to which I do end up coming back to. I just want it to be over. I just want this torrent of last times to end.

The feelings are melancholy and sadness. Of nostalgia. People say that if you feel that way about something that is over, it means it was worth it. This can be disputable, but I know this is the case. This job was the door that opened the world to me. Allowing me to move to London, to learn so much that I would have a chance to move up in my career. The friendly and welcoming environment I found there was so different from what I was used to in a previous (awful) job in Portugal. I was meeting amazing people, some of whom will remain a part of my life. And London opened the doors to the world, which was what I was craving so when I was 23 years old and moved there, to the unknown. Six years forward, I’m so grateful for this. And perhaps this is what the last times are so pressing at the moment. I’m leaving a metaphorical bed, a metaphorical shower. A place I was comfortable in, felt at home on. About to jump on a different adventure, embarking on a new journey.

Without London, without this job, this blog would have ceased to exist such a long time ago. And while this post isn’t about my typical travel, bookish or culture content, I felt I needed to share this. Also because with my return to London in September, I’m hoping to be posting more new things about London and sharing my favourite spots of this beautiful and grand city that I miss terribly, I utterly love and so often find myself hating 😊

Love,

Nic

11 thoughts on “On last times

  1. Oh yeah, I’ve definitely experienced and focused on ‘last times’ for some of the events in my life as well, especially with things that have a true finality to them. Anyway, wishing you all the best on your new journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s always a new door opening with every door that closes. That’s what I think when I experience “last times”, as you mentioned. Nevertheless, I wish you the best of luck in your new endeavor – no matter where it brings you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would rather do something for the last time, and not know, because knowing that it’s the last time, would make me sad, and teary, and not enjoy the moment as much, but we all know that it’s not how things in life are.

    If you know it’s the last time you’d try to make the best of doing whatever it is you are doing for the last time trying to make up for all of the other moments you’ve lived and wondered why you haven’t been making the most of each moment prior. Remember to be grateful for the birds that sing, the sun, gravity, the magic of existence itself. It helps with connecting. Wishing you all the best with your new adventures and thanks for sharing your story, Nic 🙂 Have a nice day 🙂 Aiva xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the such a kind comment! You’re absolutely right – how many times we forget to appreciate everything that’s all around us, often taking it for granted. This is why I believe, while sad, last times are needed in life, to humble us and remind us of how ephemeral things actually are 🙂 Have lovely week! Nic

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You’ve just reminded me about the last month at my last job … I was so excited for new opportunities, but also sad to say goodbye. It was (is) such a big place that I’ve had to say goodbye everyday for an entire month and by the time I got to the last day, I was totally and utterly emotionally drained.
    But now, looking back, it was the right decision at the right time … I’m still excited for what every day brings. Here’s wishing you great new adventures (but also never to forget the wonderful times you’ve had at this job … they shape us into the persons we are) 💌.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing your experience! This month has been emotionally draining indeed, saying goodbyes, but also hearing very kind messages from co-workers and clients that make me realise how important this job was for me, making the first years of my career being worth something that is priceless !

      Liked by 1 person

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