The presumptuous illusion of possessing Time

From time to time I get very anxious about the passage of time. It’s not hard for me getting in a state of tremendous anxiety. I simply start thinking about all these places I want to go, the books I want to read, the knowledge I want at least to have a grasp of. My heart rate rises and rises and gets to a point I get a panic attack.

I have been told multiple times to keep calm. The speech is repetitive. I’m told I’m young and I have the time. As if time was something I could possess, as a think organised in my shelves. As if time was something I could just go to the grocery store to get more, in case I needed it. As if time was limitless and endless. Especially when you’re young – the huge contradiction of being told you have time when you’re young when your youth is precisely precious due to its ephemeral nature.

I hear this the most when I talk to people about how much I want to travel. Mostly when some eyebrows are raised in disbelief in regards to solo travelling. And specifically when it comes to female solo travelling… well, the taboo is still there. Doing things alone in general really. Going for a movie alone, or just having a nice meal in a nice restaurant. Why should you stop living your life just because others don’t share the same interests, the same resources or even have the same availability?

So, I am told to wait. I recoil. Waiting is dangerous. We, humans, are so presumptuous about so many matters, but mostly in regards to time. No, time is nothing we have, because we cannot possess time. Our lifespans are not endless and we cannot see where the thread end. I cannot go to the shop to buy more time, and I am completely and utterly ignorant about the date of my last day breathing on Earth.

As is everyone else.

Since childhood, I have been told patience is a virtue, and in a way, I agree with that. I am not the most virtuous person when it comes to that, but I think this is, again, a dangerous saying to stick with. Yes, being patient is important. At a certain point. Don’t wait your whole life for that person to join you in an adventure, or for good things to come to you.

You need to go and run after them.

Love, Nic

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